Bing Gets To Big Pimpin' For The Gap!

If only Bing Crosby and The Andrews Sisters could have lived long enough to have witnessed their innocent holiday recording get the house treatment...they would have been eternally grateful!

Plea: if anyone can ever find this remix, please alert both me and the world.

This intensely amazing Gap ad kills all other Christmas advertising attempts. This joint puts the cool in Yule. A forever classic.

Gap Makes "Ice Ice Baby" Cool!

As brilliant now as it was in the late 90s, when it premiered. How do they do that?

Endlessly mesmerizing.

Crazy Litttle Thing Called Dancing With Khakis On

Who ever heard of country line dancing in loose pants? Leave it to The Gap to start the hip trends...that never happen!

But also, leave it to Dwight to almost outdo Queen in this song's intense incredibleness.

Jump, Jive and Find A Tailor!

Good song. Bad pants. Couples fit. Pants don't.

This hit TV commercial also begat the biggest hoax of the 90s: kids are embracing swing music!

Dress You Up! Mood You Down!

Hey, it's the 90s, and this is Gen X, so lots of cynicism and no smiles. Appear detached. Appear unmoved. Appear in an ugly vest because it's the next best thing to plaid. But above all, sell dum clothes.

People All Over The World -- Show Off!

At the go-see, these were the kids who could ham it up best. Proves once again that beauty is only scarf deep.

Madonna and Missy Get Into The Groove

Missy Elliot lends some street cred to Madonna. The kids on the street want to know, as do we: "where ya get dum jeans?"

However, once we find out they're from The Gap, street cred goes out the window. 

Patrick and Claire Can Do Better

A true study in deliberate adorableness. And no, we haven't yet figured out how Claire can rip a pair of pants from Patrick's body and they are still in one piece, ready for her to wear. It can only be due to the magic of gorgeous people being deliberately adorable.

Pedaling The Gap

When Ashton, Zooey, Jay and Scarlett decide to ride their bikes in that "look-at-me" style, the streets are cleared, even of cars. However, naturally, a sculpture of a TV remains.

Orlando Bloom Runs Away in Gap Jeans

Run, Orlando!
Run, Kate!
Sing, Troggs!
Chase them, wanna-be's!

In the end, a scene that could have been totally chaotic turns into a beautiful thing. Orlando and Kate are feeling free. The wanna-be's are feeling like free stalkers!

Gap A Go Go!

If this doesn't make you want to wear khaki and dance in a very well-rehearsed and detailed manner, nothing will!

Sarah Jessica: I Enjoy Being A Hard-To-Look-At Girl!

Khakis for the short-legged.

One Sarah Jessica is more than enough, but here we are treated to a three-way-mirror's worth. Consider yourself warned.

Sarah Jessica Gets In the Way of Lenny Kravitz

Future generations will be confused, astounded and befuddled that a girl such as this is the centerpiece of a TV commercial. 

Only now is America coming out of its Sarah Jessica Parker hangover, thinking "what were we thinking?"

Leonard Kravitz tries his best to distract us from her.

Ronald McDonald Gets A Japanese Makeover

Ronald better work!  Although the big shoes could have stayed on.

Tommy Lee Jones Drinks Canned Coffee in Japan

We're not sure why he looks so worried. Perhaps he knows what canned coffee is going to do to his insides.

Leonardo Makes His PowerPoint.

When you are about to spend millions of dollars to buy a condo in Tokyo, you will need a PowerPoint presentation by real estate expert Leonardo DiCaprio. Where's my checkbook?

Harrison Ford Pimps Lager

Harrison has lost his way, but then finds where he needs to be, then gets lost again.

Ringo Starr for Ringo Drinks

Here, Ringo shows us why he's the most indispensable Beatle, from recording on Apple Records to pimping an apple-flavored drink.

A rare glimpse of Ringo where he is not obsessively flashing the peace sign. And the female voiceover is not disorienting at all.

Natalie Portman is Super Rich! Thanks to Japan!

On her audition, Natalie Portman absolutely killed!

Bruce Looks At A Suburu Quickly

"Bruce, we'll pay you two billion dollars to open  your eyes for about two seconds. You don't even have to say a word or actively endorse our product."

Brad Pitt's Coffee in a Can

What's exotic to the Japanese? Brad Pitt working in an office.

Sly Directs Flying Children

Here we see that Sly's directing talent is on par with instant soup.

According to Rock, it's pronounced "Kin-nor," not "Nor."

Arnold Goes Japan-nuts!

Surprising that "boi boi" hasn't yet become a catchphrase, but leave it to TV Dust followers to get the boi rollling.

That's some scary energy that the Govenator is exuding. And where might we purchase such an energy drink, of which Arnold thinks so highly?

Our Telefuture: View Data on Your Own TV Screen!

This is our future -- our bulky, awkward, lumbering, rudimentary future. But at least our future includes The Hoff (seen at 2:54).

Radio Shack has 8-Track Players!

Radio Shack figures it all out for you: you save $30, so you have choices: you can use your savings to buy a player for the little woman and her Datsun, OR instead you can buy yourself car speakers and your first tape and screw everyone else.

You know what you're going to do.

The math for this deal was figured out on a Tandy calculator.

The Polaroid Swinger Says Yes!

Star-to-be Ali McGraw is introducing care-free young people to the Polaroid Swinger. So easy to use -- only five thousand simple steps. And don't get any of that chemical on your flawless skin.

Stereo Sense Without Fashion Sense!

Dude in the leisure suit needed a lot of help, so he went to the booklet.

Maxell Tapes

Classic and iconic, yet cliched and tired, yet still somehow beautiful to look at. Etched in the skull of a generation.

The Introduction of the Apple MacIntosh Computer

It is pretty much agreed that this is the greatest TV commercial ever made. It was shown only once, in 1983, and ushered in the age of the personal computer. It's ironic and perfect and still holds up today. The Apple MacIntosh, not so much.

The Most Ingenius Betamax Ever Created!

The father of the brides (quintuplets!) goes all out for his little girls. Nothing is too good for them, not even a Sony Betamax.

Girls, try not to think of this gift as a bad omen.

The Odyssey of Playing with Square Balls

In 1973, this was breathtaking excitement in the living room.

What we call video games, Magnavox calls "a closed-circuit electronic playground." Remember, your Magnavox dealer is listed in the Yellow Pages, just in case your internet is down. 

Color TV in Glorious Black and White!

A commercial for color television -- in black and white! It's RCA, so you can take their word for it.

"Look at that color!" says Dad. Uh, OK.

"And look at all the shows in color!" exclaims Junior, but he doesn't show us his TV Guide. That's because he's lying.

Long Distance Romance

Long Distance: The Next Best Thing To A G Spot.

In 1964, all it takes for Nerd Man to get the gals is knowing how to make a long-distance phone call. Dig.

James Dean Pimps Pepsi!

Here's James Dean's first paying job, in 1950. And he's not even the most popular guy at the party. It's 1950s wholesome fun -- sorry, Jimmy, no brooding allowed!

The Monkees Pimp Rice Krispies!

Peter is fading fast, but it may not be for lack of Kellogg's Rice Krispies.

Joe Namath Pimps BeautyMist Panty Hose!

This was as radical as advertising got in 1973. And only $1.69 for the pair. Cheap!

At the end of the commercial, Joe canoodles with a young pretty, to negate any suspicion of tranniness.

Penny Marshall and Farrah Fawcett As Roomies

The silky and the sulky! Talk about perfect casting: the plain girl and the hot bubblehead (literally -- Farrah's soaping up her pre-Farrah-'do with Head and Shoulders!).

Richard Dreyfuss Pimps the 1970 AMC Javelin

On a dark street, the very last punk you would want to run into is, of course, Richard Dreyfuss. Especially with his Humphrey Bogart accent. Or is he doing Teddy Kennedy? But here he is, about to steal your 1970 AMC Javelin (so how tough can he be?).

Actually, the man who owns the Javelin is worlds tougher. He would have to be, owning a Javelin.

Travolta Pimping Safeguard!

Travolta singing in the shower about the joys of Hexachloraphine.

Great Faces of 1982!

Superstars all, except for Cathy Lee Crosby (?!).

Parts Is Parts

This is absolutely brilliant. Keep replaying it until you have it completely memorized.

The New 1958 Edsel!

We're told that the Ford Edsel was the biggest disaster ever. Call me crazy, but I LOVE 'em! I want one. Maybe it's the sleek background music that's really selling me.

More Doctors Smoke Camels!

Very reassuring. And check out the classy dame who shows us how glamorous smoking can be!

Marilyn Pimping for Royal Triton

Marilyn asks the attendant to "put Royal Triton in Cynthia's little tummy," and he responds with an incredulous "Right, lady!"

He doesn't believe what he's hearing, and neither do we. Maybe it's best that he puts nothing in Cynthia's little tummy, to keep Marilyn off the road in that condition.

Gleason: America Needs Dick

Jackie has me sold: vote for Nixon or it's to the moon. Bang, zoom!

Jackie Voting La Vida Loca

The best First Lady ever, appealing to Hispanic voters before it was fashionable (but leave it to Jackie to be fashion forward, a vangard pioneer). Her Spanish is impeccible, but her delivery seems a bit sleepy.

Eisenhower Answers America Awkwardly

Check out the natural ease with which Ike talks to our typical American housewife, who is bugging over "high prices." What, eight cents for a gallon of milk, you poor thing?

Apparently, Maimie rides Ike about the same issue, when she arrives back at the White House from the grocery store.

Canada Dry's Not-Too-Sweet Folks

The way in which you choose to sing this jingle could be the key to your entire personality. Me? I'm with Broderick Crawford: world-weary, exhausted, vaguely disgusted.

Do The Patty Duke Dance!

As she dances at her house party, her moods swing with each beat. At first she seems pleased and delighted, and then, in a split second, she rolls her eyes and looks exasperated.

Learn this dance, and then explain it to me!

Do the Twizzle!

"I'd like to dedicate this Twizzle to the writing and the production staff of The Alan Brady Show," offers the young man who is about to give Chubby Checker a run for his money.

Morey Amsterdam proceeds to do a Yizzele Twizzle. Dick Van Dyke does his loose-limbed shtikala. And Mary Tyler Moore just happens to be wearing her twisting blouse, by sheer coincidence.

Do the Hucklebuck!

Norton, don't take the needle off the record. This song really, REALLY swings. And turn it up!

How do you do the Hucklebuck, you ask? As Norton says, "do what the lyricist sez on there."

Madonna on a Budget

Here, in 1982, Madonna will appear anywhere anyone would have her, even if it's the Philly dance show "Dancin' On Air."

Madonna is dressed that way on purpose, and so are the kids in the peanut gallery.

Nastassia Kinksi Wang Chunging the 80s

When first seeing this in 1982, we thought she was a stoned-out whack job. Seeing it again in 2010, she seems like a nice, centered, lovely, normal, well-spoken girl with a sensible 'do.

Take It From Merm!

Take it from Merm, and we do. From the "bigger-is-better" school of advertising, here comes The Merm pimping Vel dishwashing liquid in a very big way. But, like Tina Turner, The Merm never, ever does nothin' nice...and easy.

Pay attention to the way she says "gangbusters." It's more like "gangbustis." If you are to ever use the word in a sentence, be sure you take it from Merm and say "gangbustis."

Rice Krispies: Vesti

Brilliant genius classic. I would pay money to see this opera.

A Colgate Three Way

When Handsome Harry and Cutie Katie hook up, there is no telling what may happen. At least they are protected, though, with activated Gardol (apparently, that is a toothpaste ingredient).

Remember that when you enter a room from now on, ALWAYS wave to the crowd like Handsome Harry does. 

Ultra Brite: It Gets You Noticed

Nothing to say here. Just listen to the narrator, and he'll explain it all for you.

Discuss: is this for real, or a tongue-in-cheek satire? It was, after all, 1983, so it's very difficult to determine.

I sincerely hope Richie and Lynn have managed to stay together and have not soured on each other due to decaying bodies and decaying teeth.

Boris Karloff Pimping A-1 Steak Sauce

"Experiment with it!" says Boris Karloff in this really fun case of the old horror master slumming toward the end of his career. And how much do you love Beverly!

Russian Version of The Nanny

Are Stalin and Lenin spinning in their graves? Class conflict has never been so uproarious until you have the proletariat nanny serving the children of the upper crust.

Learn the theme song phonetically, comrade.

Beverly Hillbillies: Girl Up

What is it that Ellie Mae says to Jed when he asks her if she had finished her Corn Flakes?

"Had two balls."

Hmmm. The frank sexual talk continues when Jed and Jethro engage in a heart-to-heart about the birds and the bees and the cereal.

The Brady Bunch Closing Credits Season 1

What's strange about these closing credits of the Brady Bunch (other than the fact that the characters are encased in boxes and looking straight ahead)?

Answer: the film is forwarded and rewound at approximately five-second intervals, and the characters' heads bob and then repeat.

Pay very close attention to Ann B. Davis' eyebrows and you'll see what I mean.

Can't beat the cheerful closing theme though. It's so joyous, like a parade in New Orleans.

The Doris Day Show

All in the typical life of a contemporary, modern TV woman of the 70s: the crusty but lovable boss, the flaky friend, and the fashion show in which she wears her hair not so much in a ponytail but more like a backwards horse tail.

What contemporary 70s woman doesn't drive a convertible wearing a raincoat (wouldn't it make more sense to put the top up?). And she hops and skips off the cable car as if to say, "aren't I adorable? Won't will be, be?"

Family Affair Opening

Talk about blind faith: we are asked to stay tuned to a show that gives us no clue as to what it is about.

Please Don't Eat The Daisies Opening Credits

Take a look and don't turn your heads: this was life before remote control and before 500 channels. THIS, boys and girls, was what you had to endure, for as long as it took, and it took a long time.

Also, dig the intense sitcom faces made by every member of this perfectly lovable, warm, white-bread family who are just like the folks down the street. Like tedious old friends, these are the people you were forced to spend time with, and you were asked to believe it and like it.

Gilligan's Island: The Honeybees

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EgE6PbBEIc&feature=related

The Gilligan girls as a swingin' pop group, and they swing. Dig Lovey Howell, the Betty White of her day.

It took me 30 years to figure out Mary Ann's line: "Like Hawaiians need their poi." Now life can go on as per usual.

Gilligan's Island Pilot Theme

Somebody call Rewrite! The story takes place in the South Pacific, but the theme music is from the Caribbean. The pilot episode is just under thirty minutes, and so is the theme song.

Kristy and Leif Explore Their Feelings

Very tender: the very first lesbian love scene on television.

Kristy and Jimmy McNichol Dance!

Jimmy absolutely blows Kristy off the dance floor. Kristy needs to turn up the energy a bit more. This is, after all, disco. And she is, after all, wearing what she is wearing. And the song? Not at all derivative of every hit in the Top 10 of 1978. No, not at all.

Dick Clark reassures us that there is more coming up, so don't go away. But after this, what more could there be?

JJ and Telma Dance

Do you have soul when you dance? Do you make James Brown look like Lawrence Welk? Are your moves as smooth as The Cassanova of the Ghett-to? Do you look like you are trying to stomp out roaches?

Well, put a Tavares record on the turntable and crank it up!

Damn Damn Damn!

Not a damn thing funny about this, but repeat this catchphrase to anyone hip enough to know it and it elicits instant laughter. Funny thing. But not really. Ya know?

Giblet Gravy and Sliced Turkey!

This one defies description, but that never stops me: a housewife channels a Tennessee Williams character and, naturally, loses her mind over the time it takes to heat up a TV dinner. Her husband is understandably terrified.

She says, "and by and by it was done," which sounds like a Bible passage or a unique physics term to measure time.

The most significant frozen dish of our time indeed.

We're Three For All! At Least We Are Told We Are!

We're three for all! And the Channel 3 newscasters are regular folks, just like us, eating pizza and inspecting construction!

Thank you, Channel 3, for showing us the normal, ordinary, working-class people of Philadelphia. It's like looking into a mirror -- a mirror that you have held up to us! Now it's up to us to not live it down!

We can identify with these good folks, and therefore, with you. The subjects of this promo -- namely US! -- are having so much fun living their humble lives that watching Channel 3 news is a given. Especially because you are telling us that you too are working folks, just like us!

You are no-nonsense and straightforward, and that's how we, the working class, like our news given to us. We really are three for all!

Hazel Pimps Ford Falcon

Hazel asks us to see our Ford dealer to test the new 1964 Ford Falcon ("Ain't that sumpin?" she asks us in her brilliant genius/simpleton dullard style).

Her request for us to test drive a Falcon turns suddenly somber and heavy (you can see it in her eyebrows and the slow nod of her head). It's as if she is asking us to get a second opinion on a diagnosis for brain cancer. It's that urgent to her, and who are we not to run to our Ford dealer as requested.

Yet should Hazel be sitting on Mr. B's exercise bike, especially if he's only keeping it in the house for a trial run? What else does Hazel do when the Baxters are not around?

The Munsters Pilot

What's the deal with the pilot's theme song, which sounds like about sixteen theme songs in one? Luckily for us, they made some changes, and fast.

Why does every actor who plays Eddie not have a normal first name? Happy Derman? Butch Patrick?

We get to see the classic "Marilyn's date escapes from the Munster house." This one jumps over the wall! Some of them tunnel out, or worse. Good workout!

Gloria Spinoff

Sally Struthers, thinking, like Rob Reiner, that she had big things in her future, left "All in the Family" in 1978. By 1982, she was in redux, back and ready to rethink her career.

For this seemingly unwatchable spinoff, file this under "What Were They Thinking?"

If the opening credits were this boring, imagine how slow the show must have moved.

All In the Family Pilot -- Unsold, Unaired

Check out the "All in the Family" that never was. I say that these actors made a better Gloria and Mike. It would be another two years before the actual series was retooled and sold to CBS.

The sound and picture quality sucks, by the way, but enjoy the original, superior Gloria and Mike if you can.

The British Archie Bunker!

Look at the British Archie Bunker! Look at the British Edith! Look at the British Mike and Gloria! Look but don't listen, because you won't be able to follow a woid.

Lawrence Welk Gets His Freak On

Here, The Champagne King gets freaky with a young pretty. But she loses something far more dear to her than her virginity. Let's watch!

The Price Is Right Episode One

The very first episode of The New Price Is Right. Observe the rush of audience excitement and the heart-pumping thrill of having your name called to "come on down." Or, at least, to "stand up."

It's like a scene out of "The Manchurian Candidate." These people have been brainwashed to kill. It's has to be, because no sane people would dress like that.

Room 222 "Color" Promo

Ah, the late 60s, when every high school student was pushing 30.

Here, a concerned mother asks, "What do you teach, Miss Johnson? Sex Education?" but, in the promo, we never get an answer. We are asked, instead, to be titillated, because it's 1969.

Hawaii Five-O opening credits

Greatest theme song ever. Everybody pretty much agrees on that. However, one quick question: the third Hawaiian to turn to the camera (the really pretty one with the long hair that swings behind her as her head turns): what exactly is she conveying? Intrigue and danger, sure, but hers? Ours? Kam Fong as Chin Ho's? Is she in trouble? Are we in trouble?

The Flying Nun opening credits

Yes, it is unsettling, but imagine how America felt when it first laid its eyes on an actual flying nun. And I mean its FIRST glance, during these opening credits, as Sr. Betrille is coming right at you, practically bursting through your twenty-one-inch, American-made color TV set.

How did America respond? By collectively jerking its head backward, as if watching a 3D movie? In 1967, hadn't America had enough surprise and shock? And now this?

Sally Field portrays her as we expect Sally would: accepting, bemused by her flying fate. The wind is blowing through her hair (well, her wimple) and the green screen behind her shows the intense, monstrous beauty that is Puerto Rico. Yet shouldn't she be a bit more horizontal when she flies, instead of looking like she's standing up? Well, it worked for Mary Poppins.

The reaction shots are gold, Jerry. Here you can learn how actors successfully convey well-rehearsed expressions of complete amazement and intense delight, as well as ill-timed double takes (where exactly is Carlos looking when Sr. Betrille crashes through a window? The perspective is completely wrong. He's outside; she's inside.). Watch them slowly shake their head in wonder. We do too.

The theme song is diggable in that it's "flying music," where a full-blown orchestra invokes images of scurrying and nervous rushing about, which is Sally Field in a nutshell.

Pitch meeting to ABC: "we have a series about a nun, based in Puerto Rico, who flies." Laugh all you want, but the show ran for two years and forever in reruns. The Lord do work in mysterious ways.

1982 ABC Promo -- Come On Along!

Fonzie and Chachi, dressed in their 1982 finest, hop out of a helicopter in Manhattan. Yes, nobody can believe it's actually THEM, and yet they instantly put us at ease.

They entreat us, using the international sign language for "come along," to come along. Where we are going, we are not quite sure, but we are too overcome with emotion to question.

The folks they are enticing are regular folks, just like you and me, but also character actors to whom we relate strongly because we are simple minded, working class and easily entertained.

Laverne, Shirley, Tattoo, Mr. Rourke, and even Jack Tripper are joining in the fun, which you won't want to miss this Fall 1982, on ABC. The fun they are having on this commercial is far more entertaining than the actual shows themselves.

Palmolive -- Madge

Finding one good representative Madge situation is impossible, because they're ALL good. But here, we get a small but grateful glimpse into her hazy background, as to why she became a manicurist. She recommends Palmolive strongly, but never makes us think that it's a sick obsession.

"You're soaking in it," she says, but WE'RE soaking in it, and let us all drown in Madge commercials!

The Brady Bunch Variety Hour -- Southern Nights

Making fun of The Brady Bunch Variety Hour is like shooting fish in a barrel. So let's dispense with the easy jabs, but who will be the first to guess the octave in which Barry Williams is singing? And kudos to Fake Jan, who is keeping the song -- and the siblings -- together.

Partridge Family -- Somebody Wants To Love You

Keith has a myriad of probs on his mind, and he has some deep, introspective thinking ahead. He's so focused that even that crazy-ass bus is not distracting him.

He must make choices, and live with those choices: will it be sweet Season Hubley in the poncho, or the high-end, indifferent chick with the ribbon in her hair? Take a wild guess.

Somebody wants to love him. However, it seems that the rows and rows of elderly people at some kind of red-tablecloth banquet love him the most. And that's how it should be.

Aviance

What says Christmas better than this? Aviance night. Holy night.

Hazel

Get a load of the ungrateful sots who Hazel has to serve. Don't they know that she's always -- ALWAYS -- right? And yet, she suffers. Oh, Sweet Mother Hazel, how she suffers.

Mike Rowe for Epic Drugs

Check out this dirty job: I think he's telling us that the pharmacists will deliver the drugs right to your door. Those 1990s really were an "anything goes" decade.

Elizabeth Montgomery's "Droop-Proof" Curls

Somebody please explain to me exactly what she is trying to explain to me!

Cock o' The Walk

Forget about their girth. Look at those priceless expressions on their faces. If everyone in the world made these faces, and danced as they do, the lion will lay down with the rack of lamb.

United Airlines -- Take Me Along!

What's there not to love here? Bright sixties colors! Pre-feminism! Broadway belting and kicking! And the guy you've seen a million times before, playing a cigar-chomping business man for the millionth time! He's taking care of business but also taking care of the little woman.

Fun fact: this campaign was quickly scrapped, as it was learned that businessmen were taking advantage of this offer by "taking along" women other than their wives.

Krass Brothers

The Krass brothers were South Philly altecockers who moved a lot of merch because of these quick and corny commercials. Crass is right, and we loved it. A Philly local TV tradition for nearly two decades, ain't no shame in this game.

Also, listen to how the babes pronounce "suit" in their very finest Philadelphia accent.

Ideal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQFlkK9nYYs

If you did not grow up in the Philadelphia area in the 1970s, this gem will mean nothing to you. However, for those of us who did, we can sing this song in our sleep.

Take the time to learn it and obsess on it, and join us.

Kiddie A Go Go

This mid-sixties Midwestern children's show actually has a mission statement: to move lunchmeats.

Check out the proud parents in the peanut gallery: they're dressed to the nines. People dressed up for TV and church back then.

The musical guests: The New Colony Six (not too shabby!). They are clearly overjoyed to have been booked on this local kiddie show. Shea Stadium must have already been booked.

These tots could really dance. You could really learn a thing or two from them if you are serious about your sixties dancing.

However, Pandora, the hostess, doesn't quite have the mostess. She's stiff and unsettling, in a charming kind of way.

1971 ABC Promo

This "Everybody's-Talkin"-inspired promo was just the mellow taste for world-weary TV watchers in 1971.

Because everything boils down to TV, we pan down from the cosmos and New York City (including The World Trade Center) to a "typical" American house, just like the kind you n' me live in if we have trust funds.

The promo knows that we stare like zombies into a color console, hypnotized by the ABC logo.

Soft rock and clips of beloved ABC prime-time characters, like the Partridges, The Bradys and the overly intelligent cast of Room 222 remind us that they are our friends, our real imaginary friends, and it's been a long, desperate, lonely, painful, empty summer without them.

The singers remind us that "come this September, this is the place to be," and there is absolutely no arguing with that.

The ultimate strangeness here are the clips of the "new" shows for the fall, with beloved characters and stars that we will never like and, therefore, never know. You'll not know them when you see them.

The Pruitts of Southampton

Try to wrap your mind around this one. This Phyllis Diller sitcom was begging to be loved, dying to be classic. The theme song was pleading for you to sing it obsessively. For me, it works. Maybe not so much for you. But I like the way she lip synchs "and they have us eating stew!"

Here's the deal: Phyllis and her Marilyn-Munster-type daughter live in a mansion, but they are -- get this -- flat broke! SO ahead of its time. Couldn't you watch a hundred of these?

1966 Thursday Night Lineup

Poor mousy Judy Carne. Her "Love on the Rooftop" won't survive, and it shows. She's hopelessly lost between Elizabeth Montgomery's smooth, finishing-school charm and Marlo Thomas' deliberate adorableness.

History will prove that Carne does not belong on that couch. She'll make her mark later, as the "sock-it-to-me girl" on Laugh In. Here, she attempts to explain that she's not really going anywhere, and don't we know it.

Marlo makes a game attempt to sum up the Thursday night lineup, and even though it is akin to brain surgery, she decides to simplify and simply lays down the law: leave your TV tuned to ABC starting at 8:30. Sold!

Wink

Be sure to say "Let's have a party!" just like this gal says it!

Perfect Sleeper

Yeah, Joey Heatherton will get you into a sleepy space, just like the Battle for Iwo Jima. This restful theme (including blaring horns) is just the ticket for to ease yourself off to a restful slumber. Nice Flo Henderson 'do on Joey too, and she does some before-bed limbering exercises. She's so shy, so introverted, so retiring.